Tag Archives: dark mood


Life can be hard sometimes. Like a rock that is hard bearing down on your chest. But at the same time liquid, unpredictable. Still cold nevertheless.

I cross streets, their colours seem off. Not black or white, just grey. Or greyer than usual. Invisible stones, people walking by, in my shoes, on my chest, tied to my back.

Would shedding those stones make me someone else? Do I have to carry them around always?

It’s only the few moments of fleeting and for-no-apparent reason childish happiness that keep me up. And the nostalgia for them that keeps me shuffling forward.

Waiting for the next one to come. It will be buried under hard stone after a time, I know. And then rise again, and be buried again.

I’ll be here, waiting, shuffling. Who knows what will induce next.

Black bird.

There is a class tonight. And I don’t want to see faces around me. I don’t feel like doing what human beings need to do, analyse each other’s behaviour and respond. I feel lost in a sea of faces. Waiting a few steps away from the entrance of the building, sadness engulfing my mind. It’s like every move, step, breath, leaves a mark behind that can be seen for only a second. This momentary imprint saps me of my strength.

A bird taps its tiny feet next to me, around me. Black bird, like my thoughts. It looks up, one eye meeting my gaze. “Can you really exorcise your demons by writing about them?”, it muses. How can I.

The bird leaves. Blackness stays. No class tonight. No room with faces and the danger of being looked at and recognised for what I feel inside.

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